I sit typing this whilst sat in my pyjamas late on a Saturday morning, under a blanket, lounging on the sofa with the TV on in the background. I feel this has become a fairly standard scene for a weekend where we have no plans. Amelia has gone down for a nap, and there are plenty of useful things I could be doing. There’s the pictures that I’ve framed waiting to be hung, there’s pictures that I need to get frames for, there’s a pile of clothes in the hall that need taking to the charity shop (they’ve been sat there for a number of months), and there’s general tidying up I could be doing. Yet I have sat for the last hour and done very little! Where can I get the motivation from? Yesterday was a good day of sorts. I finished work at a decent time. I would describe my work day as ‘unsatisfying’ for some reason – it wasn’t terrible but it just consisted of several little things that left me feeling ‘blah’. So I came home, having had a good nights sleep two nights in a row, and felt a little productive. So I got in the garden and planted the plants that have been sat on my windowsill begging to be put in the garden for a week. I tied my roses into the tunnel structure I’m working on and I pulled up some weeds. I even managed to make Amelia’s dinner before collecting her from nursery.
But here’s the thing….when I collected her she was already tired because she had only had one 50 minute nap the whole day. That’s where the motivation waned. I might as well have not made her dinner because she ate all of 5 pieces of pasta, a couple of bites of broccoli and a pea or two before trying to throw it on the floor piece by piece. I presented her with a few berries. It started off well and then she took to squishing them in her hand to create maximal mess. Ok – lets just do bath time and bedtime then. Bath time involved her stood in the bath screaming in frustration whilst we washed her, and getting her into a nappy and pyjamas involved screaming and wriggling. The peace as she quickly fell asleep was a relief. But then there’s the realisation that we now need to eat dinner. This is where my motivation disappeared…..pizza it was. I then ate the pizza with the guilt that I hadn’t provided us with a healthy dinner, and I must improve upon this next week.
Then – if there had been any doubt that I had lost motivation, as I peacefully slept I was awoken whilst it was still pitch black to her cries. What time is it? Oh – 1.40am…..really? So we spent the next two hours in a tag team trying to settle her back to sleep with minimal intervention. By this time I knew that Saturday would be a slow burner.
So as I sit in my pyjamas I think of all the things that I could and should do, whist all I really want to do is lie in bed and snooze on and off. I find that life currently seems to be a cycle of a few bad nights of sleep followed by a catch up. After the catch-up there is a couple of days of renewed energy and motivation until we start the cycle again.
So I ask the mums, and dads, out there – is it normal to feel like this? Is there a way to break the cycle, or it is just a waiting game?